A while

It’s been a while since I’ve thought of you
It never gave me pause before
Your memory
Seems like a rare occurrence
To be reminiscing on such unpleasant events
Of how I drowned in your selfishness
How I still long for your embrace
And as your faults would tear open my heart
I find myself now only with one recurring thought
Was it all simply because of the inescapable reality of
Loneliness?

Trapped by desire

Stones spread through the sky above
Beyond her grasp where flies the dove

Into the path of starry wisdom
Desire stomping out her freedom

Heart by heart she makes her way
Hopping over games they play

It's the release she's searching for
To greet her past the open door

But with a story comes a wish
To meet her loved ones with a kiss

Monster eyes

The Loch Ness Monster with eyes so bright,
his smile shines through to my delight.
And so a corner of my mind,
wonders at such a sight,
why my friend is terrorized,
of these beings in disguise
And not instead is mystified,
as everyone is horrified
of the waters that provide,
the craving monster fantasized.

Let the beast be

Holding on tightly.
So tightly that you break.
So tightly, you think back to the days when the beast wasn't there.

That beast that's so unique.
That beast that you protect.
To keep them from consuming all that you have left.

Now that beast loose
Now that beast is here
But no one seems to whisper, all you feel is tears

Tears for that beast you so dangerously kept
Tears you only thought were dreams inside your head.

In Night

Never before did I forget to breathe.
There is a deafening silence that surrounds me.
How inconsequential it is,
To define the sound of the wind,
Whistling in the night.
This night.
Your night.

The moment is forever enveloped behind bricks in my mind.
There it shall remain,
Until I see you again.
Again in light.
Again in night.

Then this yearned healing,
Will arrive.

How it is

How it is
How it is

The swirling vortex howls
But does not seem to make a sound

How it is
How it is

The womb stretching instantly
And nothing to fill itself with

How it is
How it is

Questioning the void within
Where no one else can hear it sing

This is just
How it is

"That which is dead shall arise"

How the soul begins to die
From the rivers that run dry
Not from being young or old
And so the fear begins to grow

The soul does not decide to die
It can awaken with open eyes
Eyes that see future, eyes that see past
Signs that the soul might heal fast

Hickory Dickory

As the clock began to tick she wondered how much pain she'd be in.
It's not easy leaving everything behind.
The comfort of what's known is tempting to the girl with nothing but words.
Yet she didn't shy away from hard work, she didn't fear being on her own for she had always been alone.
What made her waver was the threat and an unending sense that the pain would prevail.

Bus stop thoughts

It's simple, isn't it? "It's always darkest before the dawn". That's how the saying goes. It might be soothing to some, but not to me. You see, as much as I'd like to blindly believe that, something keeps pulling me away... what about the ones who don't see the dawn? There are exceptions to everything: some people never graduate, some people never marry; I think it's fairly reasonable to assume some people never see the dawn. If that's true, what happens to them? What happens to us?

Sil

The bell that chimes with all its might

The gusts of wind bring soft whistling

A heartbeat synced with booming copper and zinc

Our breaths run deep across the tight strings

An orchestra of feelings

Building up to the ceiling

As a new phase is beginning

And the unfeigned sounds keep repeating

The fruit bearing branches await in glee

That you may sit together beneath the tree

And hear that sweet melody

Can you hear the symphony?

It grows

How amusing it must be for those on the outside.
To see us stumble in the dark, unknowingly being trapped in it just like the rest of us.
They remain still, allowing all the darkness around them to grow.
They don't realize their essence is also slipping away. Perhaps it doesn't matter to them.
That's why it's important to stumble even if we fall, our bruises help us hold on.
Who we are should never be taken from us, we mustn't let it.
We need to find each other again.

My Best Friend's Wedding

The different pieces blend together

However opposite they may be

It was as natural as blinking

The love that grew in between

Time passes by

We smile without a reason

It’s enough to satisfy

The driest of the seasons

Our earth will shake and tremble

And mountains will eventually fall

On that day we will assemble

It will not be our downfall

For this love can gather us

This love makes us whole

It lives in our hearts

It fills us with joy

Our rainbow covered hearts

Illuminate our souls

Let us sleep soundly because we know

This love will never let us go

The House

There is a house waiting in the fields

Where we shed all our tears

Now our eyes will cry no more

And all seeds refuse to grow

It cannot be kept at bay

The walls are dripping with gray

From all the pain it’s been keeping

The place in which my love was weeping

I searched for years in every room

Finding only something doomed

There was never something born

The house is all that’s left to mourn 

The Wait

Our lives were always meant for change

We only make believe it’s exactly the same

The never-ending cycle of standing still

Driving the madness back to the rear

The owl watches our leaves fall

A witness to an unfilled life

Born in the midst of whispers and deceit

Waiting until everything stops

I could feel the pain again

My old familiar fate

Pounding away beneath my breasts

Making its way through my chest

I felt it in my heart

The day had finally come

I would want nothing else

I would need nothing more

Dolls

It's a rare thing to behold
A connection richer than gold
The serenity that follows
When souls are no longer hollow

Some mouths may sour
Worry not for your mate
Even in the darkest hour
None will be unmade

Eternity is your treasure
Forever together
Through bonds unbroken
And words unspoken

My beautiful suffering

The days get more difficult

Time seems endless to those who wait

It keeps taking our innocence

There is no comfort in this constant pace

It’s not fair to those we involve

So there are rules I will not defy

But there is no paucity in my resolve

Just constraining rules I must abide by

I wish I could just flee

An escape is hard to come by

So I’m still waiting for you to find me

Hoping to say my last goodbye

Through the Shadows

How can you see truth

With them surrounding you?

It’s so unclear

Our words are drawn

And it all just happens in the dark

Gaps are running deep

We keep them out of reach

I feel you near

It makes me stop

And it all just happens in the dark

Seeing it unfold

Wondering what it’s for

The thought of you

It burns me up

And it all just happens in the dark

The rules are getting clear

There is no need to fear

Wait and see

Who you’ll become

And it all just happens in the dark

The first sign

I remember how much you tried

It was hard for you to stay

You didn’t tell me why

You couldn’t even look me in the eye

I didn’t see it at first

I didn’t want to

Once I figured it out

My shame washed away

It wasn’t my doing

I was the betrayed

As you say it everything makes sense

Your lips are heavy with regret

Your eyes fill me with forgiveness

And a teary smile spreads across my face

I realize as I feel my heart thumping

That I’m still looking forward to something

Wish I was there

I had a crazy idea

That I could do things differently

That our hearts don’t choose for us

Mind is stronger than fate

I can see another life

One where I’ve taken another path

You hold my hand

And I honestly smile back

I’ve known you forever

You saw me in the snow

I thought you were strong

And you didn’t prove me wrong

I think back and wonder

What have we done?

We ran towards each other

And everything fell apart

One choice

And we don’t get there

One choice

And we don’t reach

And if one day we meet again

We can find the end

Say no to the hurt

Say no to the pain

Nailed shut

There’s an emptiness that will not be filled

It deepens

Slowly

Strongly

Like a moment of stillness

We wait

And we wait

But that numbness won’t go away

How pretentiously we plan our escape

Cover our tracks when no one is there

Like we can outsmart them all

Until eventually

When we look in the mirror

We no longer recognize the person staring back

So we stare

And stare

And stare

Until we have enough practice

To pretend we don’t care