Can’t Stop

You say it

Like it doesn’t matter

It was bad before

You say it’s not bad anymore

You say it

Over and over again

You say it so many times

It’s become a game

You say it

Like you don’t feel it

Keep it hidden

Until it doesn’t exist

No one can see

What you can’t see for yourself

So you think you’re safe

You’re wrong

It will never leave you

It will never stop hurting

Pretend all you want

You can’t make it stop

It still haunts you

It’s always near

It makes you shiver

It makes you ill

You say it

There’s no other way

To try to erase it

To make it go away

Glowing lights

There’s something about it

It seems perfectly normal

And yet something’s off

You can’t quite see it

There are no red roses

No pink skies

No blue moonlight

Everything is the same

So why is it so different?

Something shifted

The world is the same

It’s you who’s changed

It’s a strange feeling

Of fulfilling content

Extremely unexpected

But welcomed all the same

Hear me

We speak

I try to stop myself

Yet I tell you everything

I say what I don’t want others to hear

You listen very intently

You know what I’m about to say

I wait for you to calm me

To tell me it’s ok

I know there is much to say

But I don’t speak for long

I wish you could answer

I wait for you to answer

Yet I hear nothing

Nothing but my own voice

Only the words

I mindlessly repeat

This is the way it will always be

Because there is no we

There’s only my shadow

My shadow and me

Ruby

I'm tired
I don't want to do this anymore

I just want it to be over

I want to let go

I have to be here
To hold their hands
To say what they can't
To help them be

I wish things were different

I wish they didn't need me
I wish I could just leave
I wish they would let me

But I can't
They have no one but me

No one to take my place

No one to set me free

Clearing the Rubble

I can’t play spy anymore

Why did I ever begin?

Reasons that seemed important

Don’t make sense anymore

The mask is too thick

I can’t break it

The lies begin to take over

I’ve lost all control

I can’t make out what’s real

Yet I continue to play

Until there is nothing left

Only the pit where I used to be

This can’t be fixed

It’s just a memory now

Still, I can’t help but wonder

Where do I begin?

Snowflakes

It’s cold

I feel snow falling on my bones

It makes my skin burn

Cracks begin to appear

But I don’t care

Let them come

Let them see what they did

See what’s become of their sins

My night is no longer endless

They can’t touch me

They can’t hurt me

Not anymore

It’s their time to fear

It’s their time to disappear

The cold is now under my control

It will weaken me never more

Breathe out

You’ll be afraid

You won’t trust

You’ll think it’s not worth it

You’ll find excuses

None of that matters

You’ll always tremble

People won’t change

And dependency will always be a crutch

Eventually

There’s nothing to hold onto anymore

At some point

You have to let yourself go

Unseen

Completely in touch

Every emotion is felt

Maybe too much

Everything makes sense

There’s no rhyme or reason for it

It just happened over time

But one thing is unchanging

It is always hidden

And there’s no winning in it

No silver lining at the end

There is only the most beautiful thing in the world

The one thing no one will ever get to see

Finding my way North

It was simple

The walls were down

The roads were clear

Nothing was in our way

Today was new

Today was different

Then tomorrow came

And everything was carried away

I miss the stars

I miss my north

I can’t live in tomorrow anymore

I’m going back

Back to the beginning

Before I fell apart
Back when I was yours

And you were mine

Like you mean it

They turn to me

To comfort them

To reassure them

To give them peace

They don’t realize what lies beneath

So close to the surface

If they stopped for a moment

And just looked at me

Maybe they could see

But they’ll never see

Because they don’t want to

They don’t want to see me broken

They don’t want to see me undone

So I keep smiling

I say it’s ok

And then I wait

Until they look away

Passing words

The room is still

There's dust everywhere

There was life here once

There may be again

The wind blows in

Lifting sheets from their place

The whirlwind surrounds me

I can almost feel them with my fingertips

I fill myself with words

I let the words pass through me

Words I can never say

Words I wish to hear

Words that will never linger here

Maybe it's ok

Maybe it's not supposed to make sense

As the words leave me

I disappear once again

Surrounding

Every detail captivates me

Feeling the sidewalk through my shoes

Glances of white light as the sun hits my eyes

The smell of grass after the rain

The wind passing through my fingers

It gives me peace

It keeps me sane

In this fleeting moment

I feel joy

And I get through another day

Fog

I lift my hands

And they disappear in front of me

I can barely see my feet

But I can’t stand still

I have to try

I walk for a minute

An hour

A day

An eternity

I keep walking

But I know

I can’t see past this

And I never will

You won’t see me

You won’t hear me

You will never feel me again

To you, I am lost

Forever