Through the Shadows

How can you see truth

With them surrounding you?

It’s so unclear

Our words are drawn

And it all just happens in the dark

Gaps are running deep

We keep them out of reach

I feel you near

It makes me stop

And it all just happens in the dark

Seeing it unfold

Wondering what it’s for

The thought of you

It burns me up

And it all just happens in the dark

The rules are getting clear

There is no need to fear

Wait and see

Who you’ll become

And it all just happens in the dark

The first sign

I remember how much you tried

It was hard for you to stay

You didn’t tell me why

You couldn’t even look me in the eye

I didn’t see it at first

I didn’t want to

Once I figured it out

My shame washed away

It wasn’t my doing

I was the betrayed

As you say it everything makes sense

Your lips are heavy with regret

Your eyes fill me with forgiveness

And a teary smile spreads across my face

I realize as I feel my heart thumping

That I’m still looking forward to something

Wish I was there

I had a crazy idea

That I could do things differently

That our hearts don’t choose for us

Mind is stronger than fate

I can see another life

One where I’ve taken another path

You hold my hand

And I honestly smile back

I’ve known you forever

You saw me in the snow

I thought you were strong

And you didn’t prove me wrong

I think back and wonder

What have we done?

We ran towards each other

And everything fell apart

One choice

And we don’t get there

One choice

And we don’t reach

And if one day we meet again

We can find the end

Say no to the hurt

Say no to the pain

Nailed shut

There’s an emptiness that will not be filled

It deepens

Slowly

Strongly

Like a moment of stillness

We wait

And we wait

But that numbness won’t go away

How pretentiously we plan our escape

Cover our tracks when no one is there

Like we can outsmart them all

Until eventually

When we look in the mirror

We no longer recognize the person staring back

So we stare

And stare

And stare

Until we have enough practice

To pretend we don’t care

Madly Mine

My shy nature makes me tremble

My thoughts get crazy and senseless

I never know what I want

And people seem to always go on

But you saw me

And I changed my ways

You unknowingly brought out

The best version of me

With you

I’m outgoing

I’m optimistic

I’m joyful

With you

I’m strong

I’m confident

I love

Of course I’m scared

This is the part where I run away

But you love me anyways

Nothing else can make me stay

“…though the heavens fall”

We believe our words

We see it in the distance

The perfect place

We can’t help it

The mind bends

And our will is broken

The cycle never ends

We can’t help but coexist

This misery tastes too sweet

We’re stuck in the beginning

Looking through a swinging door

The smell of simplicity sticks to our souls

We know we can’t to both

We can’t keep holding on

And letting go

Where were you?

I was there when she left

To keep you strong

To make you happy

I was there when you faltered

To keep you steady

To make you believe

I waited for you

When I was alone

When I was in pain

I waited for you

When I was troubled

When I was distressed

A long time passed before I realized

You were never there

And you never would be

It hurt to wish for you

I lost myself in the mist

For missing something that doesn’t exist

Begin again

Maybe you don’t have to try so hard

Maybe your words won’t make me fall apart

Tell me you love me

Tell me you’ll leave me

Today I stand

Today I am more than sand

If you stay, we won’t change

If you stay, forever is today

Give me a reason to make you delay

Give me a reason to begin again

If it’s enough

To make you stay

I will love you forever

As I love you today

When stars shine

I couldn’t have dreamed you up

Even if I wanted to

I never imagined you existed

How could you be real?

I won’t stop talking

And you just listen

I pick fights

And you behave

I burn your toast

And you love me anyway

I sleep soundly because I know

You will never let me go

"Let justice be done..."

It is not my place to do so

I cannot doubt

I cannot decide

I can only reflect upon what comes to mind

They say the world isn’t sad

There is no good or bad

Dark and light collide

And in the gray they hide

But they are wrong

It doesn’t matter if we’re strong

Remorse doesn’t keep evil at bay

It won’t make the nightmares go away

Can people change?

I wouldn’t find it strange

But that’s not what gets me by

That’s not the hope I had to find

To feel like it’s over

I need to stop the anger

To feel like I’ve won

I wish justice to be done

Justice has no mercy

Payment is the key

Justice feels no pain

It only shows your stains

Bunny suit

It’s not about who I am

It’s about who you believe

The sea that seems calm to the seal

Is turbulent to the penguin

And beautiful to some version of me

Everyone gets a piece of me

Most of them get a similar piece

There is no doubt if all notes coincide

It's just a way to entrap

To show the seal

Or let the penguin collapse

Some people are wolves

Others are sheep

And they all lie

Who am I?

I guess that depends on who you ask

A new version of me

There is no version that I love

Some versions are better than others

Most are annoyingly plain

I pretend they’re bearable

Like water to moisten a dry piece of bread

The book is sad

Telling a story with no direction

No hope, no beauty

A few failed attempts at a happy trail

But the pages are all I have

They say nothing of interest

Yet I find solace in the emptiness of their words

A small rush as my fingertips brush against each page

Searching for something to entertain

The song between the noises

I don’t care about the ending

Expecting change is an illusion

I just want to see the final page

I just want the story to end

Candlelight

A candle is held by many hands

Any sort of person can use its light

Forever compelled to obey

The candle may never choose

It simply goes from hand to hand

Wasting away with each touch

Until it is no more than a faded memory

Of something once needed, but never wanted

Slowly and completely

Until the light goes out

Lovefool

I’ve been corrupted

I see through black eyes

My innocence was lost long ago

I have no more allies

You’re obsessed

You want it to stop

It’s not real

But it’s all I’ve got

If you pretend

I’ll get more than I deserve

It’s not what I dreamed

It will have to be enough

Just pretend

Make it real

Say it again

Until I believe

It won’t work

But I have to try

Then I’ll be gone

Then I’ll be alright

Re-Arranged

I could never stop it

It was always hiding in the deep

Slowly consuming me

Please come close

Fall quickly

And wash the pain away

It’s already at the surface

I see it

And I know what I’ve become

Please come close

Fall quickly

And wash the shame away

It continues to putrefy

Rotting my insides

I’ve been unmade

Please come close

Fall quickly

And wash the hate away

Soon I will not heal

There will be nothing left

The time is near

Please come close

Please

Please

Just close your eyes

Every time I get a glimpse of it

I see beauty

I see happiness

And all the rainbow-covered wonderfulness of what could be

Just barely out of reach

It creates a hunger in me

An unexpected eagerness to live

It’s only a glimpse

An obsession that takes root in the deep

Until one true fact becomes clear

I will only ever look and never have

I remember why I keep closing my eyes

Always wanting it

Never wanting to want it

Forever yours

In no way mine

Naive

I keep coming back to you

It may seem inevitable

I could stop

I could leave

It’s a wonderful kind of agony

Relieving ice on burning flesh

The sweet sound of nothingness

A strong hunger beckoning

It is done by my design

I seek you out actively

You will always pull me down

For I have made you my gravity

The ice will only come

If flesh continues to burn

I can stop

I just don’t want to

Dream state

The nightmares I can deal with

They are a dreadful torment

They end as soon as I wake

It’s the good dreams that kill me

The ones that make it simple

The ones that make me forget

Filled with courage

Filled with sight

Becoming real danger when I open my eyes

And so I do

With a thousand times more pain

Than I ever felt when I was awake

They make me hopeful

They make me yearn

They make me want to end it all

No hope

No pain

No dream

No breath

Say

They are strong words

Loud whispers in my ear

Lovely tingles on my skin

But words betray

Nothing ever tasted so sweet

As to fill me with wishes

Of never ending moments

And constant daydreams

Devilishly tempting

I almost agree

At some point I remember

They don’t mean a thing

Please wait

Please stay

Please walk away

So I never see you again

Enlighten me

It’s funny

I always thought I was searching for you

Never imagined you’d be looking for me

Somehow that comforts me now

The knowledge that my efforts

Are forever worthless

Don’t look for me

I won’t be there

I’m already lost

Don’t be sorry

Don’t feel guilt

I wanted to find you too

And now I am free

Walk the Line

The road makes me wary

The ever changing obstacles that arise

Showing me that every step

Can always be worse than the one before

I find very few things that give me comfort

Small victories that are meant to give me strength

Help me get through each day

But they don’t, not really

I walk because I have no choice

My haunting past I cannot change

Standing still only leaves me empty

The road untaken is all I have left

The inevitability of it kills me

I can never get what I want

I can never get what I need

All I can do is walk

Count to 10

It awakened something in me

I tried to stop it

I almost did

Until you looked at me

We knew it was wrong

I should’ve stayed away

But you took me in your arms

And we swayed

“It’s timing” you said

We both know it wasn’t

A small lie we shared

To keep the truth at bay

The truth about your intentions

The truth about my belief

That you’ll never get

What you want from me

The night has come

And we are nothing more

Than pending conversations

And unspoken words

Quiet, now

I keep secrets

It’s my nature

I hear what they say

What you say

What I say

And lock it all away

It’s not ideal

I am safe for it

I am unloved because of it

But I cannot change

Not now

Life is tolerable

When you don’t trust it

It’s unhealthy

And wise

One day it will change

There are too many enemies now

There’s not enough room

To set my feelings free

That day will come

Before I leave this world

When I open my hand

And all my secrets

Will pour out

Iris

“No one wants you”

I used to think that meant my family

That they could make do without me

I could just leave

After a while

I thought it meant everyone else

Strangers and friends

I am inconsequential

Now I think it’s about love

And how I don’t deserve it

Who could ever want

Someone like me?

I hope one day to understand

It’s about me

So that I may look in the mirror

And our eyes can find peace